Your Mom/Transcript
Mallory: Hey, Joe, are you okay? Jeremy: ...Yeah, I'm good. Stacey: He and Gina broke up. Mallory: Oh, I thought that was weeks ago. Jeremy: It was, it's just... Today I saw here and the new guy she's dating is just the worst. Mallory: Ugh, that stinks. Stacey: It's seriously awful seeing exes move on, dude. Jeremy: Oh no, it's like way more than that. He's like literally the ugliest person on the planet. Mallory: Ugh. Stacey: No, seriously, he's pretty ugly. Mallory: Oh, speaking of which, Greg, how's your mom doing? Stacey: Child, what did you say? Mallory: I was just asking how your mom is..? I heard she had food poisoning. Stacey: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Joe said Gina is dating seriously the ugliest guy on the planet, and you said "Speaking of which, how is your mom doing?" Mallory: Did I? Stacey: Oh yeah, boo, you did. And I don't know why you think my amazing mother that raised me all by herself is ugly. Mallory: I don't! I didn't say that, Greg! Stacey: Okay, okay... well, well, speaking of moms, where did you get those jeans from? Looks like the Tall Butt Pants Barn! Mallory: Hey! Kylie Jenner wears these, okay? I will have you know. And it was just an accidental segue, okay? It was an accident. I didn't mean it. Stacey: I'm... I'm sorry, I just... You know how I am with my mom. My bad. Sorry guys, my bad. Mallory: I'm sorry, too. Jeremy: Man, Greg, you've got a temper. You went full-on ogre there for a second. Mallory: Yeah, Greg. How is your mom? Stacey: What?! How dare you? Mallory: I was just asking! Stacey: No, no, no. Homeboy referenced an orc and you roll up in here talking about my mom again! Mallory: It was technically an ogre. Stacey: You know good and well they are the same ugly. Mallory: I disagree. Jeremy: I... This cereal is really good. Mallory: Listen, okay? I... I really didn't mean anything by it, Greg. Stacey: You know what, I do not care what you say, because subconsciously, you think my mom is Shrek. Mallory: No! Okay, no. Speaking of beautiful women, how is your mom? Speaking of Beyoncé, how is your mom? Stacey: I'll allow it. Mallory: Okay... Jeremy: Alright, let's change the subject, okay? You guys see the news this morning? The country really is an unstable mess. Stacey: Now I got you! Becau- oh. So I thought you were going to segue from that to my mom again. Mallory: A ha! So you think your mom is a mess too! Stacey: No! Did you just say "too"? Mallory: No! Stacey: What... why do you hate my mom so much?! Mallory: I don't! I'm just bad at words! Seriously! Stacey: Well, speaking of serious, Brittany, how is your IBS? Mallory: Oh, it's actually really good, but... Hey, you're being mean! Stacey: "You're being mean!" Mallory: Oh, speaking of obnoxious noises, how is your singing voice doing? Stacey: You told me I didn't make it into the community musical because I was black! Mallory: It was "The Wiz", Greg! Stacey: Well, well, speaking of "The Wiz", you're going to need a wizard to fix those front-bottom jeans! Mallory: Ugh! Speaking of jeans, too bad your genetics gave you your mom's behind! Stacey: You better watch yourself! Mallory: Oh, you know what your mom's behind reminds me of? Your mom's front hind! Her face! Stacey: No one talks about my mom's front hind! Mallory: It's a hind up there! Stacey: You know good and well! Jeremy: Guys! Guys! Speaking of your mom, can I get her number? Stacey: Why? Mallory: Huh? Jeremy: I just think she's a pretty cool lady. Stacey: ...Finally someone appreciates how beautiful my mom is. Thank you. Thank you so much! Category:Season 9